5 Myths & Misconceptions About Emotions

Approx. 4 minute read.

"There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion." - Carl Jung

Think of a time in your life where you felt a particularly strong emotion (angry, apprehensive, guilty, pensive). Did you try to suppress it? Ignore it? Avoid it? Or, much to your chagrin, did you allow it to overwhelm you? Whichever path you took, it is likely you just wanted to stop yourself from feeling that way without a great deal of consideration as to why that emotion was there in the first place.

Though they may seem inscrutable, the importance of emotions and feelings as key drivers in our lives cannot be denied. The reductionist view of emotion is deceptively simple. At their core, emotions are signals sent by our subconscious mind to help motivate or dissuade us from engaging in behaviours key to our survival. In other words, we use emotion to seek pleasure, avoid pain and maintain well-being.

Despite being one of the most universal of human experiences, we seem to find it surprisingly difficult to express or share our emotions with others. A range of social and cultural constructs (e.g. age, religion, background, language, etc) can make it either more or less acceptable to discuss emotions with other members of our tribe.

Over time, these constructs can start to dictate how we relate to our emotions, and influence the stories we tell ourselves about our emotional experiences. Given that each person’s ‘emotional guidebook’ is uniquely formed by the world around them, is it any surprise that so much confusion exists around what 'normal' emotions are, as well as how / when / where to express them?

Here are some of the most common stories we tell ourselves about emotion, as well as more helpful ways of re-framing them:

“I shouldn’t feel like this”

Humans are, at their core, sense-making organisms. As we go through life, we attach personal meaning to events (appraisal). This process is subjective, meaning our beliefs may or may not be accurate. Because every person responds differently to a situation, there is no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ way to feel – all emotional experiences are valid. It is our accompanying behavioural responses that can make a situation either constructive or non-constructive.

“I can’t help it, it’s just the way I feel”

For most people, the process of appraisal is subconscious. This is partly why many believe emotions manifest with no rhyme or reason, and that there is little they can do to control them. Instead of seeing ourselves at the mercy of emotions, try asking “what was just going through my mind?” when noticing the sudden or strong presence of an emotion. The ability to be aware of the situations and thoughts that trigger our emotions is a skill that can be developed through practice.

“I just need to vent a little”

At face value, complaining about your life can seem cathartic, after all “better out than in” right? Unfortunately, a number of studies have found solid evidence to the contrary. In a 2007 study entitled “The Pseudopsychology of Venting in the Treatment of Anger: Implications and Alternatives for Mental Health Practice”, the authors reviewed a range of research on anger expression dating back to 1959, finding that venting lacks scientific support. Rather than focusing on negative emotions, it can be more constructive to practice the process of recognising their presence, labelling them, and moving on for the quickest result.

“I should be able to just ‘snap out of it’”

Despite the simplistic explanation provided above, emotions are complex and include changes to our physiology as well as mental state. In other words, there are a lot of moving parts! Even though we do have some control over emotions, expecting to turn emotions on and off is unrealistic. As such, engaging in an all-out WWE Summerslam match with our feelings can be a huge drain on our personal energy stores. Instead, try suspending judgment and allowing the discomfort to simply be. It is only when we stop swimming against the emotional tide that we can start to putting our minds to better use (for example, looking for ways to help manage the emotion more constructively).

“If I let the emotions win, it’s just the same as giving up”

Acceptance is not resignation. The concept of 'acceptance' can be best understood using the Bus Metaphor used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). If we are the bus driver, then our thoughts / emotions are the passengers. Every now and then, we need to make a stop on our journey to pick up / let off passengers. Some will be nice, others rowdy and nasty. If we stop the bus to engage with the rowdy passengers, we're no longer on the way to our destination. Similarly, if we turn around to start shouting back, we veer off the path. Instead, the process of accepting our thoughts and emotions involves driving the bus ourselves, turning right or left as we choose, with all of our passengers along for the ride.

So, what then is to be done about emotions? Well, the first step is to understand that all emotions have a function and to understand their genesis. Once we see emotions as artifacts of our beliefs, we can begin practicing skills that help us recognise, tolerate and regulate them. For the most part, increasing emotional awareness will be a great first step in helping to understand exactly what causes fluctuations in your own emotional state, observe it (non judgmentally) and implement strategies to manage it constructively.